United Nations or United Nonsense? The Curious Case of Volker Turk’s Global Micromanagement Service

Ah, the United Nations! That noble institution tasked with upholding peace, protecting human
rights, and—oh, what’s this?—toppling governments through well-timed whispers? Enter Volker
Turk, the UN’s very own High Commissioner for Human Rights and, apparently, a part-time
geopolitical puppeteer. If you thought the UN was about diplomacy and neutrality, brace yourself
for a wild ride through the latest chapter of international absurdity: How to Dismantle a Sovereign
Nation in Three Easy Steps—by Volker Turk!
Step 1: Give a Rousing Speech on Human Rights (While Selectively Ignoring Certain
Atrocities)
In an era where international diplomacy often resembles a poorly written political satire, Mr. Turk
took center stage on BBC HARDtalk to deliver what can only be described as a masterclass in
irony. With the poise of a seasoned bureaucrat and the confidence of someone who has never
faced consequences for their actions, Turk proudly declared his warning to Bangladesh
The army had been a beacon of hope for students protesting against the Sheikh Hasina government.
Ah, yes—because nothing says ‘human rights’ quite like encouraging total state collapse and
allowing extremists to run wild. Forget the thousands of innocent people who lost their lives in
the ensuing bloodbath. In Turk’s world, it’s all just a necessary byproduct of “democratic
transition.”
Step 2: Threaten a Nation’s Military, Because Why Not?
Who needs a functioning government or national security when you have the UN’s stamp of
approval? In a move that would make Machiavelli blush, Turk warned the Bangladesh Army that
any interference in the July-August 2024 protests would mean expulsion from UN peacekeeping
missions.
Translation: Let the country burn or kiss your international gigs goodbye.
This wasn’t just any warning—it was a textbook case of coercion, wrapped in the ever-so-
righteous cloak of human rights advocacy. While Bangladesh reeled from chaos, with Islamist
extremist groups seizing the opportunity to unleash terror, Mr. Turk stood back and admired his
handiwork. After all, what’s a few thousand deaths when you’ve got a narrative to maintain?
Step 3: Extend a Helping Hand to the Coup Leader, Because Consistency Is Overrated
Fast forward to the aftermath: Dr. Muhammad Yunus, an economist-turned-political-miracle-
worker (or so we’re told), sweeps in as the Chief Adviser of the new interim government-backed,
unsurprisingly, by the very extremist groups that turned Bangladesh into a war zone. But don’t
worry, folks, he had a plan! And who better to call than his old pal Volker Turk?
According to Turk himself, Yunus immediately reached out, requesting a UN ‘fact-finding
mission’—because what’s the point of staging a coup if you can’t rewrite history to make yourself
the hero? Like a dutiful accomplice, Turk obliged, setting in motion a grand investigation into…
well, let’s be honest, anything that could shift blame away from the real culprits.
The UN’s Guide to Selective Outrage: A Case Study
It’s truly fascinating how the UN’s moral compass works. When a sovereign government takes
steps to maintain law and order, it’s labeled ‘repression.’ But when an armed insurrection,
backed by extremist groups, topples that government and massacres thousands? Suddenly, it’s
a fight for democracy.’
Now, dear reader, you may wonder: Where does Secretary-General António Guterres stand on
all of this? Oh, he’s right where you’d expect him to be—somewhere between diplomatic oblivion
and an echo chamber of bureaucratic platitudes. After all, why hold anyone accountable when
you can just issue another strongly worded statement and call it a day?
The Grand Finale: A Call for UN-Initiated Self-Reflection (But Don’t Hold Your Breath)
As Bangladesh continues to suffer from the aftermath of this ‘Turk-engineered’ disaster, one
thing is clear: the UN, in its infinite wisdom, has managed to turn human rights advocacy into an
elaborate game of political sabotage.
So what’s next? Maybe Turk can offer his services to another country in need of ‘liberation’—
perhaps a nation that hasn’t yet experienced the joys of external manipulation disguised as
humanitarian concern. Meanwhile, we can only hope that someone, somewhere, in the grand
halls of the UN will wake up and realize that their credibility is disintegrating faster than their
ability to deflect responsibility.
But then again, that might be asking for too much.

Writer Sayed Abedin is a Solicitor of the Senior Courts of England and Wales and a Barrister